Strength During Struggles

Ho hum. Today is a therapy entry. An entry to record my thoughts, my feelings, and my life. Because some day, it won't be my life anymore and I may miss it. OR, I just may need to record it so when I'm old and gray, I may offer condolences to some young mother who seems to have her hands, feet, and house full. And I want to share with my blogging family and friends. Because I know we support each other.

To my credit, I know I'm talented. I know I'm loved. I know at times I run circles and accomplish much more than others do. And every once in a while, I consider myself extraordinary. SOOOOO, why do I feel worthless and under achieved and that I should be doing SO MUCH MORE!!! Today we attended tithing settlement at church. The Bishop spoke with kindness and understanding (he has seven children) as he extended a simple challenge to our family. First however, I need to back up and share that he released Brandon from the position of Young Men's basketball coach. Something he loves doing. An athletic avenue where he can build relationships with these boys so that he may then have a spiritual influence. The Bishop said the reason was so he could be with his family more since he knows he is gone quite a bit as it is. That made me sad for Brandon. It shouldn't really if I consider what I've given up for our family, but it did.

Anyway, the Bishop said, "I know as a young mother who has her hands full, taking on one more thing seems impossible." The challenge was easy, yet, I started tearing up at the phrase, ONE MORE THING!!! I feel like I what I do is not enough and I should be doing so much more. Why. Why do I feel like that? Is it because I'm Mormon and going the second, third, fourth, and 26th mile "should" be second nature? (It's not you know. It's not human nature. It's god-like nature.) Or is it because I let the adversary get to me. I know Satan is a cunning little devil :) and wants me to feel depressed, down, and that I should just give up. WELL, you got me! Mercy. Uncle, I GIVE!!! And then I remember the short prayer (that's all they are these days before I fall asleep on my knees) that I asked my Heavenly Father for patience and humility and really, He's only answering my prayer. :) A lot of times I see those around me and think, "I don't want to be like them." I'm not necessarily judging because i don't know why they act or respond they do. I'm not in their shoes. But I do take inventory and think to myself, "how will I avoid that pitfall?" I don't want to be a chaotic, stressed out mom who not only doesn't have time for herself, but doesn't have time for her kids.

The word "FIVE" is not enough...the word is just not long enough to convey the weight of AUDREYCORBINDREWJAKEFISHER. And while I'm at it, WIFEMOTHERSISTERDAUGHTERFRIEND is pretty hefty as well. Fortunately, I know I'm not alone. But I sure feel like it.

I don't want to care that the babysitter can keep my house cleaner and play with the kids longer and teach them manners better than I can. That's why I hire her.

I don't want to care that Christmas presents this year will be late. Moving in three weeks time right before Thanksgiving and Christmas with a 2 1/2 month old baby who will not take a bottle and still gets up twice in the night is not easy.

I don't want to care that I'm so worn out and exhausted that when my six year old threw up on the carpet and bathroom floor last night, I left it and went back to bed. (It's still there...maybe if it's completely dry it will vacuum easier.)

I don't want to care that I shove things in drawers and closets when people come over so I my house will appear clean. I know others understand a messy house, but I REALLY don't like the mess myself. I may never be able to park in the garage because the remaining boxes and junk keep getting tossed into my parking space.

I don't want to care that I have minimal Christmas decorations up with gobs of decorations still in boxes or skip the address update and Christmas cards even though they are already printed.

I don't want to care that I'm asking Audrey to take on more and more responsibilities as a big sister/mother's helper, things that I think i should be doing or even want to be doing but don't have the capacity.

I don't want to care that my only calling right now is to be a visiting teacher. Actually I'm grateful about that one. BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO THINK STRAIGHT!!!

So even though I don't WANT to care. I DO. It's called guilt. Hey Lucifer...that one's yours too! It's a crazy game my head and heart play. My heart tells me even though I may want to accomplish more, I am doing all I can do. Sadly, my heart gets some support from my brain that takes inventory. It's amazing. When I am away from motherhood responsibilities, the world seems clearer and I feel energetic to accomplish whatever my little heart desires and my brain can think up. SIGH. Time and season. Time and season. Time and season.

In the big scheme of things, my trials and troubles are small. I am incredibly blessed. And incredibly honored to be a Wife, a Mother, a Sister, a Daughter, and a Friend. And undeserving of the spirits named Audrey, Corbin, Drew, Jake, and Fisher.

PHEW. I've written and cried long enough and listened to the songs on my blog that I feel better now. :) I knew I would. I just wanted to record in the moment, my overwhelment and frustration so I would be able to appreciate the highs better next time I reach them. Because really, if life were only full of bliss and sunshine, how would any of us gain appreciation or become a stronger person? That's what life is. Highs and lows. Struggles and relief. Learning. Growing.

I had a thought they other day about the scripture that talks about, "our weaknesses becoming our strengths..." (can't find it right now.) But, when I first started this motherhood job, I was not very good. "Motherhood" was definitely a WEAKNESS. Lately I've been feeling a bit of a shift. I don't know that I am able to call it a strength yet, but at least I don't consider it one of my weaknesses anymore. When I had one child, Brandon would leave for a week fishing and my mother-in-law would come stay with me because the responsibility was too much for me to handle. And now I have five and I'm doing it. Of course, I welcome any help, and maybe that's part of it. I know I can't do this job alone. And gratefully I don't. Several of my friends look at me, shake their head, and marvel, "I don't know how you do it." Sometimes I respond, "I don't know how I do it either." But I do. Prayer, acts of kindness and service, assistance from the other side, and learning to LET GO. In Jacob 4:7, The Lord shows Nephites weakness that they may know that power to do these things comes by his grace. I know that to be true. It is by Heavenly Father's grace I am doing this motherhood job. Some days I don't even yell. LOL!!! :)

When searching for the scripture that quotes weaknesses becoming strengths, I came across this talk. I love it when answers or help come in this way. :) Unexpected, yet right to the point. The title is "Strength Through Struggles." Here's the first couple paragraphs. Click the link for the entire talk. (By Elder L. Lionel Kendrick, October 2001)

Life is not always easy to live, but the opportunity to do so is a blessing beyond comprehension. In the process of living we will face struggles, many of which will cause us to suffer and to experience pain. Many people will suffer in personal struggles, while others will suffer as they watch their loved ones in pain.

To gain strength in our struggles, we must have a positive perspective of the principles in the plan of salvation. We must realize that we have a personal Savior whom we can trust and turn to in our times of need. We must also learn and live the principles that the Lord has given to receive the strength needed during our struggles.

I know that's why I'm blessed with strength...because I AM TRYING to live the the gospel principles. I guess that's why I feel guilty when I can't do everything like I think I'm SUPPOSE to do or have been asked to do. Ouch...I can see myself coming full circle so I better stop while I'm ahead. That, and dried puke is calling my name. :)

Logic of a 3-Year Old

Drew is cracking me up. Some days with laughter others days with non-stop high pitched whining. Today was a bit of both...

Story 1:
After getting home from preschool, Drew went straight to the computer to play games and watch some shows.

Me: Drew, would you like some lunch?
Drew: (In a whine voice) I don't want lunch. Mom, was that whining?
Me: Yes. That was whining.
Drew: That wasn't whining, that was pouting!

1/2 hour later...
Drew: I'm hungry.
Me: Would you like some lunch.
Drew: (Still whining) No, I want cereal.

Story 2:
In our Christmas boxes of decorations, the kids found the white elephant gift Brandon brought home from a work party last year. An annoying little chipmunk that sings, "I'm getting nothing for Christmas" when you push the button on his foot. The kids play it over and over and over, singing along as loud as they can. Well, Drew has started asking me lately, "Mom, are you and Dad mad?"

I know he's smart, so I can't decide if he is enamored with the emotions and aware of times when he's been mad or worried about his recent behavior that has bordered on "bad" and considered the Christmas morning consequences. :)

Story 3:
This week we are finally starting to feel a little bit settled so Brandon attempted to unclog the toilet that has been clogged within a couple days of moving. Knowing how my Jake likes to play in the toilets, my assumption has been the 18-month old as the culprit. Well, Brandon got out the toilet augur (a.k.a. "snake") and went to work shoving whatever was stuck farther down the pipes. (After a $150 visit from Roto Rooter, we found Jake was indeed to blame. He tried to flush Fisher's snot sucker. You know, the blue bulb that is suppose to extract baby boogers.) Anyway, Drew didn't like to run upstairs to go potty when the toilet was clogged, and would sneak into the bathroom, poop, and then not flush the toilet. So when Brandon got to the mess, it was just that...a mess! He guarded himself with a dishtowel around his face and went to work. The kids thought it was fun of course and got their own masks and watched dad shove the "poop snake" down the toilet. Fast forward a day or two later when we were eating dinner. In an effort to get Drew to eat his dinner, Brandon tells him there are all sorts of animals in his food. He said, "Drew, look at those snakes. Eat them all up." Drew got an inquisitive look on his face, turned to Brandon and asked, "Poop Snakes?"

Fisher is 2 Months

Fisher is 2 1/2 months old and is such a good baby! Time sure is flying. At his check up he weighed 13 lbs. 8 oz. and measured 24 inches. 90% for weight and 95% for height. He is so sweet and happy. He talks and coos and smiles at anyone who will give him attention and talks to him in a soft voice. I caught a few smiles on camera...


Jake has started to act a bit more jealous. Part of it I'm sure is missing Drew who attends preschool in the mornings. He use to follow Drew around and was oblivious to my schedule and time I spent with Fisher. Now he wants me to be his playmate! He climbed up on the bed and layed next to Fisher to have his picture taken to. He's so cute with Fisher. He is usually soft and gentle and likes to hold him for about 30 second increments. But when he's done, he shoves him off his lap. I can hardly wait until they can play together. I'm sure they will be best friends!

Busy Weekend

Last week we made the decision to move to another home within the neighborhood. So, the packing began...and so did the madness. Jake is a terrible help. :) He unpacks boxes faster than I can load and tape them up. And then of course the boxes allow him to climb to higher heights.

The kids are excited, and even Drew asks when we are going to our new house. We are hoping the change in layout will prove to be better suited for our family. All the bedrooms are on the same level. The open kitchen, dining, and family room remind us of our Utah home. And the piano that seems to have come alive thanks to Audrey and Corbin will be situated at the front of the house in a carpeted room. That should lessen the noise a bit! AND, Fisher will have his own space with a door that will help limit unwanted interruptions. (Granted, it's in our closet, but the closet is pretty big and right now he's in our room, a.k.a Grand Central Station.) I can already tell the favorite feature for Drew and Jake will be the rock/sand pit in the backyard. The owners had an above ground pool that was in this space. We will fill it with tractors, shovels, and pails!!!


On Saturday as Brandon and I attempted to make some headway in the packing department, the three older kids were at a friends' house playing...out of the way! About ten minutes before we picked them up, the boys were wrestling on the front lawn. Corbin got injured. He toughed it out through the night but ended up in the E.R. Sunday morning where they took x-rays and splint his arm. Nothing conclusive. Today we spent the morning at the Orthopedic's office determining his fate. Sadly Corbin dislocated his elbow. He'll be in a cast for the next three weeks, learning to write with his left hand.

Crazy Critters

Ready for the Halloween Party. Corbin was a policeman. Jake was a frog. Fisher was a penguin. Drew was a lion. And Audrey was a gymnast (my old suit and warm-up outfit when I was 11.) If I had followed through on my costume idea, I would have had sponge curlers in my hair, put on a pair of my maternity pants, stuffed them with a pillow, thrown on a robe and gone barefoot. Haha!!! Instead I wore the old stand by witch hat. It's the same idea anyway. That many kids and pregnant again...I'm sure I would be a bit witchy!

Carving Pumpkins

October seems to be flying as fast as the witches will be Sunday night! The kids have been waiting to carve pumpkins since May when we planted pumpkins in our garden. We ended up with 21 pumpkins. Pretty fun!!!

This was the first year Jake joined in the tradition. He was all about using the little carving tools. Drew was a bit indifferent when it came to cleaning the pumpkin, but when he figured out he could draw whatever he wanted and I would carve it, waiting for him to poke out the pieces, he didn't want to stop. Notice his Jack-O-Latern has circle eyes, triangle nose, two cheeks on each side, and a happy mouth with teeth. :) Audrey and Corbin even managed the carving process a bit more independently and each pumpkin turned out great!

Girly Trip to Cali

Audrey, Fisher, and I went to California over the weekend for some girl time and birthday party for Hannah. Fisher got to tag along for nutritional purposes. (He's 2 months today!) Meanwhile, the boys headed to Idaho and played with grandma and the cousins.

After landing in LAX, we headed to the Grove for a little dining and shopping. Cheesecake Factory was the request and Audrey has finally come to the conclusion that any restarant that has a playland does not have very good food. I'm considering this a sign of maturity. :) I wonder if there is any documentation about developmental stages of taste buds? Whatever the case, I'm loving my new dining buddy!


Next we headed to the American GIrl Store. For the next 60 minutes, Audrey took me throughout the store and explained who each doll was, the era they were from, their friends and pets. We peeked inside the cafe and hair salon, and got the run-down on the new dolls that come with an internet code so you can play with your "electronic" doll online. Pretty cool.


And to top off our day, we both got pedicures.



The next day Audrey attended Disneyland with Hannah for her 5th birthday while I visited one of my friends! It was a win-win for both of us. I did not want to take Fisher, depriving him of good naps, interrupted meals, crazy crowds, and no rides for me! Later in the afternoon my cousin Brittany showed up at Disney with her girls and Audrey partied into the night at California Disney.

Saturday we got some shopping done and then headed to Newport for Hannah's Birthday party. We had a great time and loved hanging out with family.

Bobbing for Apples

Halloween IS right around the corner. So, here's Jake's version of the old-time carnival favorite. On the bright side, the apple was too big to be flushed down the tubes. And I got to him while he was digging it out - before he had a chance to take another bite. This all occurred of course while I was nursing. I could hear the commotion from the other room as he was busy washing his fruit.

Recently we installed latches to all the cupboards in the kitchen and the bathroom (thanks to my saintly neighbor, Susan.) After finding the apple in the toilet, Audrey asked, "Can't we put a latch on the toilet?" And then I remembered a T.V. episode of FRIENDS where Rachel did just that in an effort to baby-proof the apartment. My response? Brilliant idea Audrey! EXCEPT that Drew is still at the precarious age where the toilet needs to be accessible at any moment. It's not that he can't hold it, but that he DOES hold it until he can no longer stand it and then risks having an accident because he's dancing at the same time he's undressing and lifting the toilet lid, usually not the seat. Typically the result is I have a wet bottom the next time I dash to the bathroom when I've waited as long as I can and don't check drip or lack-of-aim status. I guess I wouldn't do too well with the latch either if I don't have time to assess. Bladder control is not what it use to be. :)

Lucky

Feeling pretty lucky I get to spend my days with these three little ones.


Here's a picture of Fisher last week (9/22/10). I took him today for his one month checkup. He weighed 11 lbs. 1 oz. and measured 22.5 inches long. He's in the 80th percentile for both height and weight. I couldn't bear to do shots after the ordeal yesterday. He had an ultrasound on his spine for the sacral dimple. Diagnosis: normal. And then he had a VCUG. In simple terms, he had a tube inserted through his penis to his bladder and then had a balloon blown up inside and filled with dye so they doctors could see what's going on with his bladder/ureter/kidneys. Diagnosis...grade 5 reflux on both sides, although left is worse. (1 being mild, 5 being severe). We see the urologist next week to see where we go from here. Fisher did great. I was a stress case.

Anyway, I will try to blog soon and post more pictures! All the boys are getting so big! Jake had his 15 month checkup today as well. He continues on his own growth curve. 5% for weight and 60% for height. :) Gotta love the drastic difference between the boys. Corbin and Jake...skin and bones. Drew and Fisher...break-my-back solid. :)

Lost Treasures

Ahhhh...mystery solved. Throughout the years, I have had to replace some valuable items because my dear sweet children have seen fit to throw them away. Cell phone, brand new retainers, shoes, clothes, silverware, whatever!

Well, my brain just made sense of this secret little past time. Lately I have been teaching Jake (15 months) to throw away trash. Dirty diapers, empty food packages, and all sorts of garbage. Then I pat him on the back and tell him what a good job he is doing to help pick things up. As I was reading emails at my desk today, he was playing with my mini I-pod, pushing the buttons for fun. I picked up a dirty napkin on the floor and threw it in the trash. He quickly threw away my I-pod and looked up at me expecting approval.

That's all. Kid's just want approval. Acceptance. Love. The funny thing is, as I am typing, Yo Gabba Gabba is playing on the T.V. singing the song, "Clean it up, clean it up, pick up the trash now. Clean it up, clean it up, pick up the food now!"

HAHA! They are getting messages from various sources to help clean up. What I want to know is how you break the double standard? A 15 month old cannot decipher the difference between garbage and treasures. And as hard as I try to keep things picked up, "treasures" seem to find their way into toddler-sized hands quicker than I can blink!

Now, where's the song that sings, "Do not touch, Do not touch, White rolls are NO-NO's! Do not touch, Do not touch, Pee water's gross YO! (Every week, about 4-5 toilet paper rolls are lost through the adventures of Jake.) Must be pretty fun to unroll. Or dunk, or shred...dry or wet! Jake seems to never grow bored of this game.

Surrounded by Fire

There was a fire in Herriman, Utah yesterday/last night. I don't know many details. One of my friends posted this picture on Facebook. Thought I would share.

I love the picture. The temple stands strong illuminating through it all. Definite sign of the times.

Making Messes is SO MUCH FUN!!!

During the last month of pregnancy, the messes around the house got a little out of control. And now that Fisher is here, I can't say they are going to stop, because I still don't have the energy or time to stop them from happening. So, the best way for me to cope? Laugh and take pictures. Besides, Jake, my newest little mess maker who has really come into his own, is just so darn cute!!!

Wonder if I should safety lock my cupboards? Or perhaps move the cleaning supplies to higher ground.


Not long after I scooted him out of the kitchen, I heard some squawking in the backyard. Jake manuevered his way on the lawn mower and got stuck. Although with the camera in my hand, he has become quite the poser and knows the flash means smile!!!


If I had to pick one thing that Jake LOVED to do, it would be to dig in my flower pots. If ever he escapes to the front yard or is left to his own devices in the backyard, I have black dirt all over the concrete. Usually his mouth is covered as well.


Corbin brought him to me "red" handed, trailing dirt of course. Off to the bathtub - Jake's second love!


Drew is doing better to not be so destructive himself, but he's jumped on the band wagon to let me know when someone else is making the mess.


This was the day I went into labor, I was so exhausted and miserable that the thought of carrying this oatmeal covered child to the bathtub was more than I could take. I called my neighbors to come help. Sadly, no one was home and I had to do it anyway. :) Although I did leave the cereal smeared on the table. I rationalized "it" was not going anywhere. The 15-month old? I've seen too many of his tactics.


Soon enough Jake will be telling on Fisher. :)

SIMPLIFY????

I knew if the kids were to have any type of EXTRA-curricular life outside of school, we needed to get them enrolled and going before baby Fisher arrived. Quite understandably, my opinion of tax-driving and game attendance is not high on my list of things to do between the demands of two wee-little ones with early bedtimes. My brain says to SIMPLIFY, but I have a small bit of guilt since we have not done any extra activities for more than a year. With the combination of a newborn last year (Jake) and a demanding school schedule, we never signed up or made time. SOOOOO, I told the kids they could choose an activity to participate in, with some limitations. :)

Audrey started up gymnastics and is loving it. She took gymnastics when she was 3 and 4, but this is a whole new ball game. At a toddler level, it was fun and entertaining. At age 9, she's in an accelerated class teaching her fundamentals to get her to a competitive level. (Eeeek! This is where the limitations come in...she wants to go twice a week, and I'm not willing to commit to that, or competition in the near future!) Although I do enjoy watching her flip and split and tumble in the house, yard, or wherever she finds room! She wants to get better and seems to really enjoy the new skills she is acquiring. Audrey is also attending Achievement Days every other week before her gymnastics class.

Corbin and Drew are playing soccer. Their first sport of choice was baseball, but Drew was not old enough, and again, the limitations came into play. Life seems more manageable with the boys in the SAME sport with a similar schedule. The soccer games are always on Saturday at the same place, usually within an hour of each other. However, our juggling act is on Thursday nights when they both have practice at the same time in two locations 15 minutes apart from each other. I had hoped to turn carpooling over to Brandon, but looks like me and the babes will be attending practice as well with one of the boys. (As I type...my wheels are turning...maybe Brandon could drop Audrey off with Drew at his practice and then drive Corbin to his...oh wait, he wouldn't be back in time to pick up Drew and Audrey. Aaargh!)

I know my taxi-service, carpooling juggling act is just beginning. We don't even take music lessons right now and I still have two others who are not signed up for anything but spending time with mom! Corbin wants to join cub scouts, but I think we will wait until after soccer.

Here's Corbin as goalie for his first game of the season. He did pretty good once he got the concept that he could use his hands and pick the ball up before kicking it away.


And then Drew demonstrating his kicking skills as he takes the ball down the field and scores a goal. (Feel free to turn up the music and ignore Brandon shouting, "OTHER WAY!") Fortunately at three years old, they don't keep score. :) Drew's pretty fun to watch. He's aggresive and goes after the ball. He's even learned to use his feet more than his hands! We laughed at the first time he tried to get the ball in the goal. He bent down and pushed the ball in. :)

Congenital Anomalies

It is no wonder when the fifth child joins a crowd of strong personalities that he would pull out all the stops to be unique. Little Fisher has done just that and we are in awe at his little anomalies. :)

According to Wikipedia, a congenital physical anomaly is an abnormality of the structure of a body part. An anomaly may or may not be perceived as a problem condition. Many, if not most, people have one or more minor physical anomalies if examined carefully. Although some minor anomalies may be clues to more significant internal abnormalities.

At one week old, we have found that Fisher has three.

ANOMALY #1
During pregnancy, the ultrasound technicians found Fisher has some issues with his kidneys. Upon birth the ultrasound showed his right kidney has healed and is working properly. YEAH!!!! However is left kidney has HYDRONEPHROSIS. Basically the ureter going from his kidney to his bladder is blocked. The ultrasounds in utero never showed proper connection to the bladder, thus the ureter and kidney are inflamed and enlarged.


Treatment: Antibiotics daily to prevent infection of kidney that can quickly spread to blood and brain. Appointment with urologist scheduled. Hope the condition heals on its own, if not surgery is an option to correct the issue.

ANOMALY #2
A few months back Brandon had a friend who sent him a picture of his newborn baby boy. He showed his hands had an extra digit. So with this picture fresh in Brandon's mind, when Fisher was born, he went straight to counting fingers and toes. And wouldn't you know, Fisher has six toes on each foot! It’s called POLYDACTYLY. We've termed him "magical." We are not aware of any genetic history and consider this presentation Fisher's way of saying, "NOTICE ME! I'm someone important!" :)


Treatment: Foot with the toe tag will have a tie placed around it and the tag will fall off. The toe with bone structure will require surgery for removal. If the toe would not cause shoe issues or problems walking, that may be a fun feature to keep! When Fisher is old enough to better handle anesthesia, he will have it removed. Appointment with Pediatric Orthopedic scheduled.

ANOMALY #3
When I shared with a friend the concern of Fisher's unique traits, she told me to watch for a third. Apparently the chiropractic school she attended believed "these things" tend to show up in threes. Hmmmmmmm. Maybe his broken collarbone incurred during birth? Nope. Has to be something developed in utero. When she examined him, she found the possible third, yet to be confirmed by the pediatrician, but I've noticed it and the characteristics match that of what I've seen and read on the internet.

It's called a sacral dimple or PILONIDAL DIMPLE. Present at birth, it's a small indentation in the skin on the lower back, usually located just above the buttocks. According to Wikipedia, more than 2% of babies may have such dimples; almost all of these are very minor. For Fisher, there is a tuft or nest of hair in the dimple that starting in adolescence may develop into a cyst and become very painful and require drainage and surgery (worst case scenario.) But what was most exciting to me when I researched the condition is a pilonidal dimple can be indicative of a possible kidney problem, which we know he already has!!! At least there is some rhyme or reason and consistency!

Still, it's craziness!!! Fortunately in the big scheme of things, neither Brandon nor I see any of these unique features as life threatening and definitely manageable. We have been so blessed to even have information and options. To us and a loving Heavenly Father, Fisher is perfect! We are all born with some sort of disposition that we have the opportunity to work through and learn from while here on earth. How grateful we are to know about these issues early on and choose to be proactive to improve his health.

Our Newest Blessing

My head still whirls that our family has reached the magnitude of SEVEN. And my heart is overflowing with feelings of gratitude, peace, and love. I wonder if this is what "COMPLETE" feels like?


Momentarily my fears and feelings of inadequacy, overwhelment, and despair have been set aside. "Just One of Those Days" is a great day. I love my life. I love my children, and I love my husband.

Last week Fisher Brandon Williams joined our family. He is perfect and I wonder how I got so lucky.


I don't know why my children chose me as their mother, but I am honored. I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father that doesn't give up on me and continues to prompt and support me as I try to be the person He knows I can be. To be the mother of one beautiful girl and four amazing boys. I pray that I may rise to the occasion and raise a righteous family. One that loves unconditionally and serves others as well as each other. I know I have great examples all around me to follow. My aunt Janet set aside her schedule to stay and help while we endured the last bits of pregnancy and then delivery. My mom was here for a week caring for my children, Brandon and I, and our home. And this week, my mother-in-law is caring for Drew and Jake in Idaho while I recuperate and bond with Fisher. A few quiet hours and a clean house. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling elation. :)

My friends continue to comment what an amazing family and support system we have. I could not agree more. My friends who are not members of the LDS church marvel at how Brandon and I are raising our children or how we handle the ups and downs. The gospel is such a strong base for optimism and a great life. It's rarely an easy life, but it's one filled with faith and a simple formula of promises and blessings.


And we consider each of our children our greatest blessings. Audrey, Corbin, Drew, Jake, and FISHER!

First Day of School

Today was a big day. Not only did Audrey and Corbin get to ride the school bus to school for the first time, but they got to eat in the school cafeteria and play on a playground with equipment!!! Sometimes the perks of a public school are overlooked. :)


Here they are waiting at the bus stop with the neighbor kids. How lucky for them they have friends to ride the bus with and show them the ropes. They were not nervous at all. I thought Corbin would have a hard time, but he waved, blew me kisses, and was off!


Now the wee ones that were left behind had a hard time coping. Drew really wanted to get on the bus and had even brought his backpack filled with his train set. Jake was oblivious.


This year Audrey is in 4th grade and has Mr. Hawskins. We have heard great things about him and he seems very fun. He has animals in his classroom and likes to do a lot of hand on projects.


And Corbin started first grade with Mrs. Kaper. She seems to be very soft spoken and nice! Right up Corbin's alley. I think he will love her.


They both seem to really like their teachers and came home happy and excited for the new year.

But the excitement didn't start there. Last night Corbin asked me if he could sleep on the floor. I told him no, he needed to get a good night's rest. Then I asked him why he wanted to sleep on the floor. His response? "I don't want to make my bed before school in the morning." Haha. Then at 4:30 AM he woke up Drew and came down the stairs into our bedroom. I told him he needed to go back to sleep for at least another two hours. He asked if he could sleep on the couch. I told him no, go get back in bed. Then the whining started..."I already made my bed." My response? FINE. GO SLEEP ON THE COUCH BUT GO BACK TO SLEEP. Of course by that point, Jake was awake too. Drew climbed in bed with us, Corbin went to the couch, and Jake went back to sleep.

We made it to 5:45 before Jake was up for good and so was Corbin. I can only see the foreshadowing for Christmas this year. :) That boy does not sleep. And eventually, he and Jake will share a room because they seem to follow the same early wake schedule. Audrey needs her beauty rest, and Drew simply needs a quiet place to recharge his battery.

I feel a little bad that some mom's are sad to see their kids go back to school, but for me, especially this year, school starting is heaven sent. (I'm sure the guilt won't last long.) The last few weeks have been a big trial of my kindness, patience, and love for my own flesh and blood. In one of my ranting moments a couple weeks ago, I told my kids I could hardly wait for school to start. SAD!!!!! I'm sure the tail end of this pregnancy has been hard on them too. I don't feel up to entertaining them 24/7 or going places just to keep busy. But, we survived. And as I walked back from the bus stop I momentarily thought, I could actually go through a few more days with this baby belly if the older two are back and school and me and the little ones can return to our routine. And I think that is the key...ROUTINE!!!

Drew did awesome to calm down and play on his own and be content with helping me with housework. And I was content to DO housework instead of nagging kids to get their jobs done because as a parent I feel it's my duty to teach them how to work and be responsible. Ahhhh, sigh. My woes are nothing.

Not much time to breathe...on to the next ROUTINE disruption. CHILDBIRTH. Jake was born on the last day of school last year and I have joked with the kids that Fisher was waiting for the first day of school this year. Humph. Maybe the 2nd? or 3rd? Time will tell.

Audrey is NINE

If our family was every blessed to have a girl, I'm glad Audrey showed up first! Some days I think she wonders if that is the best placement, but as parents we are trying to offset some of the responsibilities of being the oldest with some fun privileges too! My mind still whirls that she was born nine years ago.

She is a great girl and has the most contagious laugh. When she is with each of her brothers one on one, she is so kind and caring and wants to teach them all she knows. She loves to play school with them or spin them around much to my dismay. (Too dangerous but they LOVE it!) Each one of her brothers looks up to her and thinks she is the best. I would imagine with a household where attention is a hot commodity, she would be content with our family size. And although she's so proud to announce she is the oldest and only girl of four brothers, she's still holding out for a sister. :)

Audrey loves gymnastics, dancing, playing computer games, watching TLC (especially the Baby Story, Cake Boss, and Say Yes to the Dress), playing with friends, visiting grandma, cousins, and her best friend Grace. She is into American Girl, Nintendo DSi, Makeup (she tried to get away with makeup today on our way to church- I told her 13), swimming, and she is still enjoys being artistic. She is cooking a bit more but has definitely mastered Ramen, Eggs, anything in the microwave, and cinnamon toast. Like her mother, she is a train wreck when it comes to cleaning up her messes. :)

After a fun-filled day of playing with friends and doing crafts, we had Uncle Jared and Aunt Janet join us for her birthday dinner. Audrey wanted Ramen Noodles for dinner. I thought perhaps we could make that a side, and suggested she come up with a few more favorites. :) She settled on Ribs, BBQ Beans, Ramen, and Fried Zucchini. And to top it off, she wanted a chocolate butterfly cake that she got to decorate herself.


Audrey is making her wish and unbeknownst to her, getting a little blowing help.


This was Drew when the candles were blown out and he didn't get to help. I just happened to have the camera in hand to catch his "I'm mad!!!" face. He wasn't too happy I too a picture either. Sweet Aunt Janet lit a candle just for him and that calmed things right down.


To top off the "room makeover" for her birthday, she got a desk and chair of her very own. (She has discovered the joy of privacy and likes to do her homework in her room with fewer distractions.)


However, there was one present Audrey requested NOT to receive. That was a baby brother. Understandably, she wanted to have her birthday all on her own. I told her I would see what I could not, but really, I'm not in charge. Apparently Fisher wanted his own birthday too, because the 24 hours came and went and still no new baby brothers!

Audrey, we love you and are so glad you are a part of our family! Hard to believe nine more years from now you will be on your way to college. :( Thanks for being a bright part of our home.

Shade Cooking Posts

As I have mentioned before, I do a cooking blog for Shade Clothing under their "Your Life In Shade" program. Many of you many have heard Shade is going out of business for a while. Their plan is to "go dark" for a period, regroup, and re-imerge next year. With the dynamics of the company and the economy the past couple years, this is the best plan for them. Thus, the blog is going away...I think. Even if not, I'm going away. :) I don't know how much I will keep up once Fisher arrives. I have done a few posts in advance and they will appear through the end of September.

Here are the most recent since I last posted links...

Spicy Glazed Almonds and Green Onion Vinaigrettes


Banana Split Dessert

Mexican Salad


Island Fruit Salsa


Strawberry Danish


German Pancakes and Buttermilk Syrup


Salmon Tacos



Tuesday the Zucchini Recipes will post and coming in September will be Chicken Fajita Quesadillas and Buttermilk Ranch Chicken Sandwiches. Yum!

Swim Lessons ROUND 2

I have felt truly blessed when it comes to swim lessons for my kids. Granted, I go through some awful experiences and walk away saying, "I will never do that again," but then the most wonderful scenarios appear.

I have a dear neighbor who was willing to let us use her pool for private swim lessons, IF I HAD AN INSTRUCTOR. And what do you know, I had a wonderful instructor who was willing to teach IF I HAD ACCES TO A POOL! So, the past couple weeks Audrey, Corbin, and Drew have taken swim lessons right next door while Jake takes his nap and I have hold of the monitor or a babysitter is at the house. DREAMY!!!

Each of the kids have improved so much I am so pleased with their progress.

Drew still operates in the "NO FEAR" category when it comes to water, so lessons are a good thing. He can hold his breath forever and thinks he is invincible. In this picture you can see he is finally learning to blow bubbles while he swims.


Here he is swimming to get the floating pony.


And he is even mastering the back float...not quite floating on his own, but not screaming that he is on his back! He can dive for coins, do frog bobs where he pushes off the bottom of the pool and comes up for air, and gets around on the kickboard, even rotating to his back. He attention span is ridiculous and I compliment Miss Carrie for putting up with whatever he wants to do, but I'm chalking it up to his age. :)


Corbin has done a fantastic job to build his skills enough to swim the length of the pool. Two years ago he could do the breast-stroke, but without decent lessons, his confidence has wained. When he would play on his own, he always had some sort of floating device.


I can hardly believe he's floating on his back with a smile!!!


I didn't decide to record anything until after he had already swam the length of the pool twice. Here he is giving it another try for the camera...a little tired.



If there were a million hours in the day and less things to accomplish, I would put Audrey on a swim team! I thought she did great. The instructor couldn't believe she had only two sets of lessons. She is doing awesome to swim laps, changing up her stroke. She even attempts the butterfly!



Here she is swimming the breaststroke...again, I'm slow at the video. She had already done a few laps and is a little tired.