What I have found lately is my emotional tank is empty, so when I experience something upsetting, my recovery time is longer and longer and my physical health is more susceptible to all the ailments going around. Recently there was an article in the Ensign about filling our spiritual reserves, and I know that to be true for emotional as well. This morning I am shirking household duties (dinner dishes from last night are still on the counter, dirty diapers laying everywhere, and Corbin’s birthday cake has yet to be made.) But I feel I should write about my latest emotional drain while Jake and Fisher are asleep and Drew is at preschool. Precious, precious time.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The day had been filled with the business of motherhood, plus some because it was Drew’s birthday party. Seven four-year olds is exhausting all in of itself, but as soon as they left, the older kids walked through the door from school and I was on duty for taxi service. With babies in tow… Corbin to piano, Audrey to achievement days, and Drew to friends house so he won’t fall asleep in the car. (Any type of power nap extends bedtime to from 7 to 10 PM because he’s “well rested”.) Picked Drew up ½ hour later and back to home base.
Once I was home, the shuffle of party cleanup, phone calls, and dinner prep began. Drew had so many new fun toys and the backyard was still arranged from the party for maximum play, the kids were in heaven. About 5:20 Audrey was dropped off and Drew’s friend who had made it to our house, left with his mom. I was on the phone with a neighbor who had the flu and her little boy had missed the party because of it. We arranged for a play date the following day to give her a break and let the boys get to know each other better. All the while I am frying taco meat. I recall Jake in the kitchen with me when I put the meat in the pan, but when the meat was done cooking, I got off the phone, and noticed out of the corner of my eye, the front door was ajar.
Immediately I was concerned and I knew it was Jake (Time was about 5:30.) I had not locked the door after the interchange. We have a high lock that not even Audrey can reach and alarms on all the doors. But with the backdoor opening and closing, sometimes I tune it out. Anyway, I ran outside, looked all around the house and jogged to a better vantage point to see up both sides of the street. I ran through the vacant lot across the street from our house that drops off to a trail leading down to the river. I even went down the rocky trail a bit in my slippers but did not see any signs. Back inside to check the backyard. Garage and upstairs. Out front again. Closer inspection. Nothing. Two people happened to be passing by our home out front. One of the kid’s babysitters, who I asked to keep an eye out for Jake as she walked home, and a friend who was driving by. I signaled for her to stop and explained I couldn’t find Jake and would she mind looking for him as she drove up the road. Unbeknownst to me, she got on the phone and starting making phone calls to get people to help find him.
I ran back inside, told the kids to look everywhere in the house, keep Drew inside, and answer the phone if anyone called, which was against normal protocol. I had this sense of urgency. I started to get tears in my eyes but did not want to scare the kids so I fought back emotion. I quickly found shoes and ignored the thought to get my tennis shoes on. I rationalized that would take too much time.
Audrey and Corbin followed me outside and wanted to help, so I asked them to go knock on the neighbor’s house across the street and tell them we had lost our 1 ½ year old boy and would they help us look for him. And then they went inside to wait and answer the phone.
The neighbor dad sent his 11-year old out to run the neighborhood and he got in his truck. I told him I was going to drive one direction, would he go the other. As I aimlessly drove in a direction that I felt was “wrong” and I tried to make a few phone calls myself to ask friends to help. After one short loop, I went home, back to the vacant lot. Got out of my car, and started jogging the trail down to the river.
The river is a ways off from our house, but the slope to get there is steep and there is a small stream that runs alongside for a little bit. I called Brandon on my cell but only got his voicemail. Enough time had passed. Jake was lost and I was scared. The thought had not entered my mind, but the time was about 5:45. Close to dark. With all the trees, visibility was much less. I saw a trail that ran parallel to the river just down from the houses, but I headed towards the river.
I stopped running, feeling a bit of defeat and said a prayer. I remembered the words from a book I had recently read. It’s by Elder Richard G. Scott entitled Finding Peace, Happiness, and Joy. (I love it. I love the stories he shares and his insight.) He says, “Your determination to live righteously will make it possible for you to be protected from the dangers that surround you. I will also provide great peace…Your obedience and your faith give you the greatest assurance of protection in times of need.
I told Heavenly Father I felt like I was living a righteous life and doing everything I could and needed help finding Jake. I turned to go back up to the road and scanned the hillside as I went. When I arrived at my car, the neighbor dad had Jake in his arms and a couple friends who had been driving were stopped in the road.
Jake had gone between the neighbor dad’s house and the next one over, to the backside of the hill with no fence to stop him. He had taken one of Drew’s new toys and was playing in the dirt. He was about 75 feet past the backyard and the dad said he went outside and just listened. He heard him whining/fussing. He must have fallen or gotten hurt earlier because he had tears on his face. He was wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and slippers.
(Had I ran on the side trail, I may have seen him. That trail goes behind the neighbors house, but is much lower.)
However, I asked for help and Heavenly Father still granted my desires and answered my prayer. Brandon showed up five minutes later, never having received my message. He just found the search party in the road, me hugging Jake, and crying.
Fisher was sleeping through the event.
As I shared the story with Sam (mother-in-law) this morning, she told me when she goes to the temple every Tuesday evening, she sits and thinks if there are any of her grandchildren that need increased blessings. That day, Jake came to mind and she put his name on the prayer roll.
I pondered why I felt the urgency. Or even alarm. Last week both Drew and Jake got out and a friendly neighbor returned them. I was embarrassed, but was not upset.
Sam offered her perspective. The spirit was prompting me with the urgency. There was cause for intervention if I was willing to listen.
Last week I had a friend share with me her tender story of losing her 6 ½ month old baby four months ago. He choked on a balloon. She was distraught because she didn’t feel like she had received a prompting or “missed” a prompting. After counsel with her Stake President, she felt more at peace with his words. “Promptings are given when intervention is possible.”
I am grateful I prayed that morning to be lead by the spirit as I raise my family. I am grateful I am living a life that allows the spirit to be present. I am grateful Heavenly Father answered my prayer to find Jake and for the love and assistance of so many willing to help. Audrey later shared with the family when she went upstairs to look for Jake, she said a prayer as well. An experience like this is a wake up call for priorities. My children are so important to me. And as my family grows, I feel the weight.
While searching for the passage I wanted to include from Elder Scott’s book, I found a few sentences I had underlined. “You know that feeling when there is more weight on your shoulders than you think you can possibly bear, far more questions than answers. That is a test to teach the importance of establishing priorities.” It emphasizes the wondrous treasure of time. When you encounter more vital things to do than you can possibly accomplish yourself, you will learn how the Lord can, through the guidance of the Spirit give you help and assurance.”
“The Lord puts challenges in your path to mold your character. For your own personal growth, He will often let you struggle with a matter for a while, even when you are pleading for help. But as you follow true principles, He will finally see you through. He intends that when you have reached your extremity, you will turn to Him for comfort, peace, and assistance. He will send those blessings through the quiet prompting of the Spirit. He will give reassurance and guidance that are essential to finding solutions for the challenges of your life.”
“Have you noticed that when you have determined to accomplish a very important task, many good ideas for other things to do seem to come to your mind? If they are allowed to interfere, they will distract you from the more important objective. I have found help by writing down those alternate thoughts as they come, promising myself that as soon as I finish the important task I will attend to them in priority. That practice focuses me on those matters that are essential. I believe that there can come into your life, because of your righteousness and your determination to do what is right, times when Satan will not be able to deflect you into serious transgression. He will switch then to the strategy of placing before you a banquet of good and worthwhile things meant to distract you from those which are the most important and essential to accomplish in you life. Fortunately, as you pray for guidance, the Holy Ghost will help you identify those matters that are vital and necessary to accomplish above others. That guidance means at times you may have to set aside some things that would be worthwhile and enjoyable to pursue those that are most vitally important at that period of your life.”
I appreciate two things from his words. Maybe Satan thinks I’m living righteous enough to tempt me with “priority” testers. And maybe Heavenly Father thinks I’m living righteous enough to help me. Because HEAVEN knows, I need some help slowing down and weeding out some of the lesser important activities in my life. Sometimes, my priorities are a bit skewed. ☺
Now…off to make that birthday cake. Because making my children feel important, special, and loved, especially on their birthday IS IMPORTANT. What's not as important is the bowling ball and pin's idea I wanted to concoct. May have to stick with the round chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and two white lines as he requested. 1/2 hour verses 2. Hmmmmm.
